Porn Website For Teens?
My teenage son wants to watch the Game of Thrones series with me over the summer – a father/son bonding opportunity? I rarely pass up one of these increasingly rare opportunities. But I baulked at this.
It was not the questionable morals and values of many of the main characters in a series where even the heroes are rarely portrayed as gallant. Neither was it the violence that can be quite graphic. I baulked at the sex, not because I don’t want my son seeing explicit sexual scenes, but because I felt these were not healthy examples of sex.
The sex scenes in Game of Thrones are often about men using their power over women, or women using sex to manipulate men. There are many instances where the man unceremoniously mounts the woman from behind, enjoys a couple of grunting thrusts and climaxes (we assume). He then ties up his breeches and saunters off.
It seems to me that this reflects much of what is out there in Internet porn. I’ve never watched BDSM, rape or violence scenes, even if they are fictional, so you will excuse my assumption that these are not what I would consider healthy sexual encounters.
I do not want my son learning about sex from such videos or scenes. While we have discussed the birds and the bees, and the difference between having sex and making love, I have to acknowledge that there is only so much he is willing to learn from his father.
When I was his age, I had seen a few sex scenes on the then-new (British) Channel 4 – The History Man anyone? – but this seems very tame compared to the options now available with the Internet. And I was woefully prepared for my first time.
So I was fascinated to discover an article in the Daily Mail – Make Love Not Porn – in which Cindy Gallop, an entrepreneur, has launched a website which has already over 100,000 subscribers. Ms. Gallop told ABC’s Nightline: “Children are viewing porn years before they have their own sexual experiences and it is shaping their view of sex. That is why showing real lovemaking is so important.
“Young men and boys alike have a warped sense of what sex is like. I want to change that.”
There is a statistic floating around the Internet that claims 90% of children between the ages of 8-16 years have visited porn sites. I could not find the study, but even if it is ‘only’ 50%, I am not sure I want a generation receiving their sex education from Internet pornography.
I plan to check out Ms. Gallop’s website. In the old days, a father would leave Mayfair and Penthouse magazines in a hidden place that his son would find and hope he can connect the dots. A positive website showing healthy sex might seems a better option for the 21st century.
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Alon Shalev writes social justice-themed novels and YA epic fantasy. He swears there is a connection. His latest books include: Unwanted Heroes and the 2013 Eric Hoffer Book Award for YA – At The Walls Of Galbrieth. Alon tweets at @alonshalevsf and @elfwriter. For more about the author, check out his website.
Left Coast Voices 
Reblogged this on ElvesWriter and commented:
Love to hear your thoughts after last week’s post.
Especially in light of things like PunishTube, where the women are usually crying.
It becomes especially difficult to navigate those early conversations when there’s a line between a “scene” where struggle adds psychological depth to an experience — and a real, scary situation. You’d have to have a deep sense of empathy to be able to distinguish and respect the difference.
Thank you for taking a thoughtful approach on this subject with your son.
So right, Setsu. We have discussed a couple of times issues such as rape and torture, and I believe that the distinction is very clear for him. I appreciate your insight. It is an important discussion and as long as a teenager is only a click away from such sites, I feel it almost imperative to show the gentler, partnership side.
Thank you.
Alon
http://www.alonshalev.com
It’s true that GoT does not show “healthy” examples of relationships. There’s also incest that would have to be explained. I think that the sex depicted in GoT is in keeping with the world that GRRM has created and analogous to the late medieval period on which his world is, in part, based.
After you’ve introduced your son to sex in a more balanced manner, it might be an exercise to research the history and the attitudes toward women (and their exceptions) and to explore the depictions of sex in GoT as examples of what “not” to do, or what we now know (or ought to know) better than to do. Even looking at the differences between the books and the series would be an interesting exercise. In the books, Danerys’s first sexual experience with Drogo is markedly different to what is shown on screen. It might also be a way of getting into the storytelling choices that have been made in GoT, the series vs. the books: so, why do you think that the writers and producers chose to show this rather than stay true to the book?
I’m a corporate trainer by trade and the things I notice the lack of most in my students is the ability to think critically and make wise choices. GoT might have a place in your son’s education, maybe just not yet 😉
Thank you, Melanie. I appreciate your insight here. Not sure why the TV series changed these aspects from the books. Glad I read the books first.
Take care,
Alon
http://www.alonshalev.com
[9] Hamill, Jasper. “Internet porn ‘encourages teenagers to have sex early.” Scotland’s Sunday Herald. 2008.
Thank you for this post! This is the background to http://makelovenotporn.com/ – I wrote it for Ireland at the request of the Irish Journal, but it applies to every country, everywhere: http://www.thejournal.ie/readme/column-embarrassed-to-talk-about-sex-and-porn-ireland-this-is-your-wake-up-call-853199-Apr2013/
The Daily Mail was inaccurate – makelovenotporn.com is for teens, https://www.makelovenotporn.tv/ is for everyone over 18. This is what we mean when we say, ‘We’re not porn. We’re not ‘amateur’. We’re #realworldsex.’
http://talkabout.makelovenotporn.tv/2013/04/01/what-is-realworldsex-the-first-in-an-occasional-series/
and you may also be interested in how very, very difficult it is to build this venture. Silicon Valley encourages disruption and innovation in every area of life and business except this one – the one that needs it most of all:
http://www.nerve.com/features/why-americas-outdated-morals-wont-let-porn-into-mainstream-business
Thank you for all your work, Cindy. I am still trying to position my attitude with regard to my teen (and pre-teen) and what they will see with my (and my wife’s) consent, but I think you are right – better to control and offer a healthy message.
Alon
http://www.alonshalev.com/
Young people were acting out scenes they saw in online pornography and even organising abuse via social networking sites and messaging systems, she said.
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